Cheating Again
PRESENT DAY JOCO SAYS: It pains me to remember that this was the week I failed. Not the only week I skipped mind you, but the only week I really count as a failure to live up to my promise to myself, because I really had no excuse. I was home, I had a new studio room, there were no house guests or injuries or illnesses. It just didn’t want to happen, and I let it not happen.
I can tell you now what I didn’t mention then on the blog, which is that I was feeling pretty lousy about things. I don’t remember all the details now, but certainly it had to do with this new “career” which hadn’t become much of one yet. I look at where I was in the flow of things: left the job, early initial success with Baby Got Back, ran out of ideas, failed with Drive, some real but painfully fleeting success with Flickr and then this. Blah. Plus that feeling mid-winter at the very beginning of a new year, an amplified “what am I doing with my life?” and by the way I had just spent a bunch of money building a studio room for my unprofitable, year-long, bullshit vision quest right at the point when I was out of ideas FOREVER. When I talk about how Thing a Week was hard, this is what I mean.
This was the worst part, I’m sure of that now. A couple of weeks hence I would pull out of it and start really moving forward in a lot of ways. But this was the dark before the dawn, me burning down to rebuild. Gandalf the Gray bear-hugging the Balrog all the way down to who knows where…
The Truth:
1. Most of being creative is showing up.
2. Sometimes showing up is the hardest thing in the world to do.
You can find a store where you can listen to everything, and also other stuff at jonathancoulton.com
